His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
