I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
