He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
