Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
People in love make me want to vomit
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
