I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
