he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
