i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
