had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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