I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
