So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
