how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it was like eating out sand paper
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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