Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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