My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
