Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
