Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
