genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
