Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
