yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
