Porn is love you can see.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
