Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
