3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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