new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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