i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
