so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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