I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
