I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
