Yo dont text me then not text me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
