Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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