Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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