when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
