omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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