how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
