I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
