He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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