dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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