Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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