i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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