I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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