the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
