I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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