Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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