Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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