Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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