I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
