i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
