i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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