we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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