some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
