where am i from again
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
