Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My ass is underappreciated
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
