Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
