At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
