I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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