I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
