4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
