just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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