i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no, he came in my armpit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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