She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
