I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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