Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
