i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
